HEWITT.MOBI
Home
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Another week, another post. It's been an eventful week, this week was my first visit to the Hiv doctor in the GUM clinic here in Stoke On Trent. I decided that I would do all the medical stuff on my own. I thought about taking one of my friend's with me, but I doubted that they would have appreciated all the waiting about. Well there was some waiting about, I have had enough to do with the NHS, to expect waiting but I gather that the department is very understaffed & underfunded, what a surprise.
Anyhow I met my Dr, Doctor Hollows, my doctor was very nice his first question 'has it sunk in yet', has it sunk in yet!!, I've thrashed my head on the subject ever since the first indeterminate same day test. But such was my state of anxiety, that I just sat there & looked at him as he asked me questions & calmly assured me that 'people with Hiv live normal lives these days' normal lives !!. I felt like screaming at him, saying what the fxxk would you know what it's like living with this.... .Somehow his calming platitudes, did not seem to correspond to the actual lives of many people who live with this, here or abroad. I mean a 'normal life', is all very relative when you consider some of the problems that people have ' living' with Hiv. Staring rather blankly at him I replied 'that's good to hear' .
They took what seemed like half the blood out of my body, swabs from every orifice etc. All in all rather a rather trying experience. But I knew that the upshot of all this was that I would know in a relatively short period of time what state my immune system was in. Another plus is that I don't seem to have Hep C which is a big relief, because the combination of Hep C & Hiv is not easy to treat.
The Doctor offered me condoms towards the end of the consultation, I looked at him & said 'I don't think I'm ever going to have sex again without a condom'. Much good that sentiment does me now but, better late than never.
The GUM clinic is in a corner of the hospital, down some stairs along a corridor etc, well out of the way of 'normal people'. The atmosphere is very strange, small rooms with chairs lining the walls, Tatty copies of NME & people studiously trying to avoid looking at each other maintaining a weird air of indifference, reading out of date magazines or watching daytime tv on a tv so absurdly small that you almost need a telescope to see it properly. The admin staff at the front desk are friendly but, seem to know little of the actual procedure behind the scenes.
As I waited after the various test's to see the doctor before I left, the air was filled with the sound of two young kids, with their harassed mother running around the waiting room, & generally causing chaos & mayhem. The mother eventually got fed up of the elder of the two & issued a stern threat, 'you'll have to stand outside if you carry on'. What seemed like hour's after I arrived I left & after making an appointment for two week's later was very glad to go outside into the sunshine , and have a cigarette, feeling somewhat stunned by the whole experience.
So enough about the medical stuff, I've not been doing very much out of the norm this past week. I have only told four people that I know about my Hiv status, people that I can trust. But It makes it difficult when other people just don't realize why I'm down sometimes because I can't tell them. I went to Leek to see my friend's for a few day's that went OK , but I've got to stop abusing my body with 'substances' & start living a far healthier life. I know this but It's going to take some time to actually get there.
I'm worried about my friend Danny who moved to Blackpool some time ago. I spoke to him on the phone. He's having some problems with Leon his other half. He feels trapped because he's got nowhere else to go. I said he could come here for a while if he wanted to, but he's got no money at the moment. I spoke to him yesterday at some length, & he sounded better that's good, I've not told him about my Hiv status he does not need news like that at the moment.
As for my other friend Stash who lives in Leek well, I don't know where to start with him. I told him, because we had had some contact it's caused problems with him & Deb his other half. But there is nothing I can do about it, I had to tell him. we arranged to go to the GUM clinic together but eventually I decided that it was easier to go on my own. We need to talk, I phoned him a couple of times but he is upset with me, I don't have the energy at the moment to do anything about that. My other friend 's Will & Sue, I stayed with them overnight, I told them. Will was upset I could tell but we had a good night & went out the next day to town for a coffee.
I saw Heather & Mark as well but decided not to tell them as Heather is not well, & her mother is not in the best of health. I watched a film with Mark, 28 Day's Later, a class british film. All in all a good few day's, too much excess but hell I don't intend to live like a mormon for the rest of my life.... I guess that's about it for the moment I have some photo's to upload to the blog when I can get them off my phone for you to see I'll do that as soon as I can.
Bye for now
Charlie
hewitt.mobi Posted at 11:10 am |
1 comments
I was quite moved to hear your story your honesty and your positivity. I hope your blog site inspires other people. . will.
By
1 Comments:
, at
9:02 am
All this will not be finished in the first hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first thousand days, nor in the life of this administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. - John F. Kennedy
